Posts Tagged ‘diet’

February 23

Epic Diet FAIL: Monkey See, Monkey DON’T

When I was in my final year of graduate school in Abilene, Texas (can you believe that?) my buddies and I had a very uncommon hobby.

We went to the zoo and hung out with the monkeys.

Monkeys. I love ‘em. They may me chuckle. They remind me of my 3rd grade English teacher… she was about as bright as your garden-variety chimp. (She told me, “You’ll never amount to nothing!” on a weekly basis. What a lovely example to set for kids, right?)

Yet our trips to the zoo were centered around… shall we say….

more sinister motives.

These particular monkeys enjoyed throwing things at the people who got a bit too close to the cage…

… as in, well, 100 feet?

When I say “things” I do mean ANYTHING. I’ll let your mind imagine that picture… yikes.

But it was fun, in a “kids will be kids” kind of way.

Plus it was inspiring.

I mean, this one kid (monkey kid) had an arm on him so solid we wanted to draft him for our ailing football team.

“BLUE 24! BLUE 24! Banana cream pie…HUT!!”

Ah, I can hear it now… : )

Anyhoooo… that was all fun and games.

What I’m sharing with you today is NOT.

“Believe it or not, all this monkey business centers around Fat Albert.”

WAIT.

Fat Albert?

As in the old Cosby cartoon from way back in the 70s??

(Yeah, I’m dating myself… : )

Nah… not that Fat Albert.

The “fattest rhesus monkey on earth” Fat Albert.

They named him that for obvious reasons.

He… was…

“Gravitationally impaired.”

How’s that for being politically correct?

Actually, he was just ONE FAT MONKEY.

See below:

Fat Albert da Fat-Ass Monkey

"You gonna eat your fat?... "

In case you’re wondering, I didn’t doctor that image. That is the REAL Fat Albert monkey.

WOW.

Here’s why this sordid tale of college kids gone wild and dated cartoons applies to YOU:

Take a good look at Fat Albert.

Ask yourself: “How did he get so FAT?”

The answer, from his owner:

“He ate nothing but the American Heart Association recommended dietplan.”

Are you KIDDING ME??

THAT whale of a monkey at a low-fat, “healthy carb”, virtually meat-free dietplan?

And ended up like that?

Surely he was an oddity. The only one, right?

Wrong.

Seems The Southwest National Primate Research Center in San Antonio, Texas can make a monkey blubber up simply by doing one thing:

“Adding carbs to their diet.”

They’ve tested various carbs. The worst offenders are sugars and high-fructose corn syrup.

That should come as no surprise at all.

But an entire segment of monkeys get fat when they consume a dietplan recommended by the AHA… an organization with VERY questionable motives in my humble opinion.

( If you’re reading this on my blog, comment below and let me know what you think of the American Heart Association and their connection to the pharmaceutical boys. )

The AHA, and other government-funded orgs that depend on moolah from special interest groups, are not “the bad guys.”

Not entirely.

They do good things.

They also give out dietary advice that will do ANYTHING but keep you heart healthy and lean.

So that’s the bad news.

The GOOD news is that you can eat these tasty carbs at specific times.

And on specific days.

Here’s an example:

MONDAY: Lower calories (less than normal)
Keep your carbs low; eat only green veggies and one piece of low-sugar fruit for your carbs. Forget starch even exits. Consume ample protein from grass-fed sources, including eggs. Drink a lot of water.

TUESDAY:
Repeat Monday if you really want to burn bodyfat…

WEDNESDAY: Higher calories (more than normal)
Start the day with a brisk walk. Eat the same thing for breakfast as you did on Mon/Tue. Enjoy a modest portion of whatever you want for lunch.

Eat an apple BEFORE you eat lunch. Then eat whatever you desire. That evening, enjoy your favorite “healthy” carbs like a yam, brown rice, or whole grain bread. Just do not fool yourself into thinking this is the “good food”… it’s second- best AT best. But it tastes good, so enjoy. End the day with resistance exercise like bands, weights or bodyweight exercises.

EVEN BETTER: You’ll burn-off a lot more bodyfat if you START your day with resistance exercise and cardio.

A LOT more fat…

REPEAT CYCLE.

Take Sunday off to either fast (if you want to burn a LOT more bodyfat) or eat casually (which works if you are okay with losing a bit more slowly.)

Simple, right?

Except for… that morning workout I mentioned.

The problem is: TIME.

Yet the BENEFIT is far more bodyfat burned and a more shapely body.

Resistance exercise is the key. It ‘trains’ your body to accept carbohydrates from any form more readily… and that includes sugars.

So you can have your cake and be yummy too. : )

Like I said:

The problem is: TIME.

Here’s the solution to that problem. It beats the crap out of P90X and other time-heavy workout programs…

It takes only 7-14 minutes to complete plus a 9-minute cardio workout… that’s it.

AND… it will be the most challenging workout if you want it to be. I do it. I’m a bodybuilder.

You do the math.

My 7 Minute Body in-home or in-the-gym workout plan: <--- fast workouts; more fatloss

Listen: You have to come to terms with the fact that you will NEVER eat like a Puritan.

(Excuse that sentence if you happen to be a Puritan. ; )

So, if you want to actually ENJOY your life and your food without eating “perfect” all the time, you absolutely MUST learn the tricks of the trade.

Tricks that tell your body to use those extra calories and sugars as muscle fuel rather than bodyfat.

Tricks that demand your body burn off the excess calories consumed BECAUSE you ate the RIGHT way…. the clever way… 24-48 hours prior.

That is the plan I covered above… granted, without much detail. It’s covered in more detail in my book “The Every Other Day Diet”…

But you have to get the workout in to make this monkey business turn into body magic.

And the best, most time-friendly workout is this:

My 7 Minute Body in-home or in-the-gym workout plan: <--- fast workouts; more fatloss

Enjoy, and watch out for falling bananas.